Have you ever found yourself thinking, “If only they were obsessed with me, they’d finally love me”? If so, you’re not alone—and you’re also not broken. But here’s a truth that it might be hard to hear obsession is not love. In fact, obsession is a negative feeling, and it rarely brings the connection, intimacy, or peace we crave.

In this post, we’ll unpack what obsession really is, where it comes from, and how you can shift this energy into something far more empowering: self-love, clarity, and real emotional connection.

What Is Obsession, Really?

Obsession often disguises itself as intense passion, desire, or romantic longing. It makes you feel like you’re “all in” on a connection, and if only the other person could feel the same, everything would fall into place.

But let’s gently peel back the layers.

Obsession is not about the other person. It’s about the part of you that’s afraid:

• Afraid of being abandoned.
• Afraid of not being seen or heard.
• Afraid that if this one person doesn’t choose you, it means something is wrong with you.

Obsession becomes a mask for deep emotional insecurity, and instead of moving you closer to love, it often pushes it further away.

Why Wanting Someone to Be Obsessed With You Isn’t Love

You might think, “If they were obsessed with me, it would mean they truly love me.”

But let’s pause here. Imagine someone you don’t feel drawn to becoming obsessed with you—texting constantly, checking your social media, asking for your time all day, every day. You’d probably feel overwhelmed, even repelled.

So why do we long for our person to behave this way?

It’s not really about obsession, it’s about validation. We want to feel special, chosen, and seen. But obsession doesn’t equal love. Obsession is about control, fear, and neediness. Love, in contrast, is rooted in trust, space, mutual respect, and emotional balance.

The Root of Obsession: Insecurity and Fear

When we become obsessed with someone, it’s usually because we believe that their attention will fill a void within us. Maybe we don’t feel attractive enough, lovable enough, or simply as we are. And when someone pulls away, that insecurity gets activated.

We think:
“If I could just make them see me the way I see them…”
“If they chase me, maybe I’ll feel worthy…”

But here’s the loving truth: no one else can give you the validation you’re denying yourself.

Obsession is born from a place of lack—not abundance. And the more you chase someone who isn’t emotionally available, the more you neglect the most important relationship in your life: the one with yourself.

Does Obsession Ever Work?

Let’s be honest. Even if you got what you think you wanted, if they suddenly became obsessed with you—it still wouldn’t feel right.

Why?

Because we only want obsession from people, we think we can’t have. Once someone gives us all their time, attention, and energy, the illusion fades. You realize you weren’t really in love with them, but with the fantasy of being chosen by someone emotionally distant.

So, the cycle repeats.

You want what you can’t have because it triggers the part of you that believes you’re not worthy unless someone hard to get gives you attention.

This is the energetic wound that needs healing—not the relationship.

Breaking Free from Obsession

If you’re struggling with obsessive feelings, the first step is compassion. This isn’t about shame or judgment. It’s about healing.

Here are 7 compassionate steps to help shift obsessive energy:

1. Acknowledge the Feeling Without Judgment
   Say to yourself, “I feel this way right now. That’s okay. I’m human.” Honesty opens the door to healing.
2. Ask What You’re Really Seeking
   Is it love? Safety? Reassurance? A feeling of being special? Identifying the core desire helps you meet your real emotional need.
3. Redirect the Energy Back to Yourself
   Pour the energy you’re giving away into self-care, creativity, or healing work. Get curious about your own heart.
4. Challenge the Fantasy
   Is this person really a good match for you—or are you romanticizing who they could be? Be willing to see reality.
5. Connect with Your Inner Child
   Often obsession is the cry of a younger version

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“Today, be the best version of yourself.”